


Self Harm

by trappedinssb



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Drugs, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-17 13:27:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/868083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trappedinssb/pseuds/trappedinssb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“...in case you needed to kill me, but you can’t, I know, I tried...”<br/>“I got low. I didn’t see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out.”</p><p> </p><p>Bruce has some issues with self-harm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Eventual Stark Spangled Banner. Lots of angst and fluff.

“...in case you needed to kill me, but you can’t, I know, I tried...”  
“I got low. I didn’t see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out.”

 

1.

 

Tony knew Bruce had some issues with self-harm, but never realized how serious it was until tonight. He was working ‘til late reading reports of a new project Stark Industries were about to launch. As he wrapped up, Jarvis beeped, his voice very concerned. Tony at once realized it was something important. Whatever it was, it was enough to make Jarvis emotional.

 

“Sir, I am afraid there is an anomaly on Dr. Banner’s quarters.”  
“What anomaly?”  
“The CCTVs are out, and the scans aren’t looking very positive. Dr. Banner’s life signal is... well, to put it, messed up.”

 

Tony stood up immediately, panicking. Messed up? Is he hulking out? Tony ran to the elevator and went down to Avengers quarters. When he arrived on 85th floor, where Steve shared with Bruce, he winced at the darkness that hindered his sight. Tony ordered Jarvis to turn on the lights, and ran as fast as he could to Bruce’s bedroom.

Only to find out he wasn’t there.

Tony felt his heart sink into his stomach. It was almost 4 in the morning, and no one without a particular reason would leave their bed. Tony’s face darkened as he spotted the red stain of blood on the white sheets. He stomped to every places where Bruce could be at the moment.

 

“Oh God, Bruce...”

 

Tony easily found Bruce sitting in a bathtub, half-naked, shivering. His body was covered in sweat and blood, which Tony assumed came from the scars on Bruce’s wrists. Some of them were fresh, and many old, noting that this had been going on for a while. Tony yanked the knife out of Bruce’s hand.

 

“Hey, hey, I got you, big guy.”

 

Bruce looked up at Tony with dreamy eyes. Tony patted Bruce’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug. He smelled alcohol and winced. Bruce never drank much, seeing that it was a good way for him to hulk out. Going by his state, he probably injected some kind of drug, too. Bruce’s trembling hand grabbed Tony’s.

 

“I... I can’t...”  
“Shh. It’s okay.”  
“I’m sorry...”  
“Don’t be. Bruce, hey, look at me.”

 

Bruce’s sobbing died out as he looked up to Tony’s caring eyes. Tony caressed Bruce’s hair softly, trying to relax Bruce.

 

“Don’t worry. It’s going to be fine. Just hold on until I patch you up.”

 

Tony turned on the water, which hit Bruce and Tony directly. Tony didn’t mind getting wet, as long as he could actually help Bruce wash. Bruce buried his face on Tony’s shoulder. Tony carefully stripped Bruce’s clothes off. Warm temperature settled in the bathroom, and Bruce whimpered against Tony’s skin as Tony touch his wounds.

 

“Does it hurt?”  
“Yes. But it’s okay. I’m fine.”  
“I’m not.”

 

Tony stiffly said and carefully wiped out the blood. Bruce let out groans as Tony applied soap to the wounds. Tony washed Bruce’s body thoroughly, until Bruce, half-asleep, was clean enough. Tony found the biggest towel in the drawer and wrapped it around Bruce’s body. Bruce shivered as he stepped out of bathroom, feeling the coldness. Tony told Jarvis to adjust the room temperature and guided Bruce to his bed.

 

“You sure you don’t want any medicine?”  
“I’m okay. Just a good night’s rest will do it.”  
“The wounds...” Tony sighed. “Bruce, I have no idea why you do this to yourself, but... but please, ask for help if you really need it. Don’t go around and be stuck with your knife.“  
“I’ll try.” Bruce replied dryly. He was, of course, lying.  
“I really want to help you.”  
“I appreciate it.”

 

Tony knew that was his cue to leave the room and let Bruce have some time alone, but he couldn’t let Bruce go back and keep on hating himself. Tony pulled Bruce’s sheets further up to make sure it covers Bruce warm and stood up.

 

“Good night, Bruce.”  
“Good night.”


	2. Chapter 2

2.

 

 

Next morning was hell.

Tony couldn’t sleep that night and came out to breakfast annoyed. Jarvis reported that Clint and Natasha went out to a mission, so there was only him, Steve and Bruce in the tower. Tony made himself a big cup of coffee and drank it, looking out the huge window.

 

“‘Morning, Tony.” Steve stepped out of the elevator, wearing sweats.  
“Capsicle.” Tony stiffly nodded. Steve frowned but proceeded to the fridge.  
“So, someone’s in a bad mood.”

 

Steve lowered his body to grab a carton of milk. Tony finished his coffee and approached to Steve who was consuming the entire container. Steve knew Tony wears some frowns when he’s stuck in his project, but above that he was always the cheery one.

Something was off.

 

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked.  
“Did you know?” was what Tony said, after thinking of what exact words needed to be said.  
“Know what?”  
“About Bruce.”

 

Steve still wore an expression that he didn’t have any idea what Tony was talking about. But instantly, Steve could think of some options, for example, his tendency to compromise with the other guy sometimes, or having drug issues, or something along that line of mental disability. Despite the fact that no one actually, even Fury, spells out in front of Bruce, everyone knew that Bruce had unstable mindset. Who wouldn’t really? If you were the man who can turn into an enormous green rage monster if you lose control of your emotions for a slight second, it is expected that you have issues with your mental health.

 

“Last night, Jarvis detected anomaly in Bruce’s life signal.” Tony explained. “And I found him drugged, covered with his blood in bathtub.”  
“He cut himself?”  
“Yes, and it’s not the first time. He had scars all over his arms.”

 

Steve looked very concerned. They both fell into a heavy silence. What broke the silence was the sound of elevator opening.

 

“Hey.” Bruce stepped out, wearing his loose clothes, looking tired. Tony rubbed his temples and nodded, and Steve tried to smile but failed, because obviously Bruce noticed the concern on his face.  
“Good morning, Bruce. Are you-”  
“I’m fine. Really.” 

 

Bruce quickly answered, knowing what the question will be. He turned his attention to the food, which Jarvis microwaved as he noticed Bruce heading to the dining area.

 

“We worry about you.” 

 

Steve said. Bruce silently picked up the dish from the microwave and settle it on the table.

 

”Please, let us help you, Bruce.”  
“You can’t.”

 

Bruce said flatly. He began eating, ignoring both men in front of him. Tony, irritated, poured himself another coffee.

 

“We just want you to be happy.” 

 

Tony said, tired. All the stress and lack of sleep was dawning on him.

 

“Everyone says that, yet no one means it.”  
“That is not true. Of course we mean it. We’re your friends.”

 

Bruce sneered. Steve blinked. The expression that was on Bruce’s face was unprecedented. Bruce was always kind and caring one. Never, for one second, he imagined that Bruce was actually able of wearing the expression full of hatred and bitterness.

 

“Friends.” Bruce repeated. Steve knew that he was right once again. The other guy does have effects on Bruce’s actual personality. Bruce tried enormously to hide it, but sometimes Bruce just lets it go, because he has no choice. Bruce becomes a bitter and cruel person, and he hates it.  
“Yes, of course. We’re your friends, we’re always willing to help-”  
“Stop lying to me!” 

 

Bruce yelled, standing up. Both Steve and Tony startled, for they thought Bruce was going to change. But Bruce didn’t. He had complete control over his anger. He wouldn’t let himself loose, not this time. Because Bruce needed to settle this with reason.

 

“Bruce, I understand it can be little rough.” Tony started.  
“You don’t understand anything.”  
“Then tell us.”  
“Tell you? Tell you what? Should I tell you how I feel after I open my eyes, naked and in a place I don’t even remember and realize that I lost my control again? Fearing but not remembering the number of innocent people I killed without even noticing? Every people’s blood on my fucking hands, do you even know how guilty I feel? They weren’t soldiers, they meant no harm, and only reason they died was because they were just there at the time when I fucked up!”

 

Bruce during his speech came closer to Tony and Steve, and both could see the inflamed eyes of Bruce swelling up with tears. Bruce bit his lip, trying hard to relax.

 

“So don’t you dare say you understand me, because you don’t. And you never will.”

 

The tears started falling, and Bruce was quite thankful for it. He never could cry without danger to hulk out, and it had been a long time since he shed his tears in anger and devastation.

 

“I’m not a hero, like you guys.”

 

I’m just a monster that needs to be hunted before anybody else gets killed. Bruce swallowed the last bit of his sentence. Tony softly tapped Bruce’s shoulder. Steve pulled both of them into a hug, and didn’t let go until Bruce’s sobs died out.

 

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. It’s not your fault...”  
“It’s alright. I can see that you needed that.”  
“Just know that I’ve got ya, big guy.”  
“How’s he got you? You’re messed up as he is.”  
“Hey!”  
"Alcoholic, self-obsessed..."  
"Shut up, Capsicle."  
“Just get some sleep, Tony.”


End file.
